We’re All Patchwork Quilts

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I used to be able to play make believe. I put on little shows in my parents’ backyard. I pretended to be a princess (however, she always ended up dying, which may or may not have been a happy ending). I discovered makeup and developed my own style. I got cool and sexy.

I was still playing make believe. Chameleon-like, I was able to pretend to be what I thought others wanted me to be. It went along with layering my eyes with six pair of false eyelashes and wearing 6 inch platforms and earrings so heavy that they tore my earlobes.

I did this to impress others and to be valued for my looks, smarmy, sexy attitude and all over style. Often I slept in my makeup so that I wouldn’t have to put it on all over again the next day. Once I left it on too long and developed a sty that closed my left eye and had to be lanced.

I’ve been hiding behind what I think I should be and how I think I should look for most of my life. We didn’t have the kind of money available to dress me the way I wanted or give me a decent haircut, so I was always the toothy kid with curls cut wrong. I ate my one container of yogurt at lunch sitting in the high school hallway in an effort to lose weight, but then my mother would prepare a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with potato chips as a pre-dinner snack.

Now I’m too thin. I can see my ribs, front and back, and my hip bones jut out, leering. If I were a model, this would be good news. But I no longer believe that old adage that a woman can never be too thin or too rich. Part of me wants to believe that I could never be too rich, but even when I’ve had more discretionary income, I’ve never felt like it was enough.

Which comes down, folks, basically to feeling as if I haven’t been good enough. Period, end of sentence. And I ain’t getting any younger, either, which seems unfair: finally I no longer have to fight fat, but age isn’t going away. I won’t be like the client who came to me years ago and confessed that her real birth year was ten years older than she’d claimed.

I can’t cobble all of the pieces of myself together any longer and call them perfect-especially if I measure the whole against an impossible ideal (thank you Hollywood and botox). So I’ll wait, ponder, sip at each moment like fine wine.

We’re all patchwork quilts, pieces of art, and not all of the pieces initially seem to have flow or symmetry. But each piece, each hurt, each delight, each tear shed, angry word spoken, is part of the whole pattern. If we wrap this living quilt around ourselves, then we are who we are. A true original.

And maybe that’s just the way it’s meant to be.

The Wisdom of Shadows


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My mind is like a river giving birth to itself at final thaw. It’s as if I can hang my curiosity up on an invisible hook and simply observe: the mysterious, the mundane, a silent conversation with the night. Admittedly, I have been both too careful and careless with life. Conversely, I’ve found myself chained by shame, guilt, regrets. I have fruitlessly measured myself against others and measured them against myself.

Each of us, if we’re truly honest, if we peer into the reflecting glass of our souls, might have the good fortune to see who we are and who we might be. It is a brew of madness and light. An antique piece of crystal or glass is only valued at its worth with an obvious chip or crack in it.

What we choose not to hide from ourselves is the angelic force that we sometimes see as demonic. What good does it do to deny or condemn that which pulses through our emotional veins? It makes you, you. It makes me, me. And we are all perfect in the eyes of the Divine, God, Goddess, All-That-Is.

Something has seeded from birth within each of us, small, vulnerable, beyond powerful. Its beauty is cracked and crystallized by time, experience, and hopefully, wisdom. It allows us to quietly sit with the loamiest, deepest parts of ourselves. Cradle these parts, sing sweet lullabies to them. These are parts which may have been denied or made wrong by upbringing, culture, peer influence. They linger outside the door of acceptance, timidly tapping for admittance. Open that door and it offers healing. It may arrive as sweet, silent, squawking, terrified, courageous, uncertain, questing and questioning. But open that door, welcome it, and it returns to you, you return to it.

Say, ‘Welcome, self.’ Those shadows crookedly hung in the dark corners of have great wisdom to share. And always, always with love.

The 1st Saturn Return: Breaking a Sweat, Realizing Your Dreams

qtq80 kDTI5V 150x150 - The 1st Saturn Return: Breaking a Sweat, Realizing Your DreamsSaturn works within definitive timelines.

When I was 27-1/2, I became a radio announcer.
A year later, I married the wrong man.
I left my beloved job and moved 5 times in 3 years.
I lost weight, gained weight, lost myself, lost the husband, found myself.
I started my astrology and counseling practice. It was a series of shocks.

During these 3 years I was experiencing my first Saturn return.

Saturn is the Keeper of Time.

With his eagle eye, he misses nothing and expects everything.
Saturn knows that you can make your dreams reality if you maintain focus and faith.

He sits at the peak of a tall, rugged mountain, patiently waiting for you to show up, sweaty, exhausted and triumphant.
This requires, on your part, focus, determination and faith.

David, a client of mine, is going through his first Saturn return.

Friends are pairing off, and it’s uncomrfortable-shoulddn’t he, too?
But he’s not really there yet. Instead, he’s lifting weights, running and staying in shape-and keeping his eye on the prize-to be chosen as a contender on “Survivor.”

And that’s the right attitude.

Everyone at this age and stage starts to become aware that life is finite.
The first Saturn return is the real end to childhood.
Your 25 year old friend doesn’t understand why you’ve gotten so serious.
Why you don’t want to party so much anymore.
Some people find this depressing.
But it’s a great and grand wake-up call.
Would you really want to stay a kid all of your life?

The first Saturn return is a cycle of maturity.

Carefully choose a handful of dreams you want realized.
Adopt an attitude of hardscrabble faith and unwavering focus.
Break a sweat by building up the muscle of determination.

Events conspire to support you in this process: you might change your career.
Go back to school. Marry. Divorce. Have kids.
Leave a 6 figure job to travel the world.

You’re laying the foundation for the next 28 years of your life-will it be sturdy and stable or a time of upheaval?
It’s entirely up to you.

To honor this sacred passage, schedule a personalized reading for yourself or someone you love.

Tools and timing that are supportive will be explored.
Be sure to tuck curiosity and an open mind into your backpack.
You’ll be rewarded with practical info and greater awareness.

Hope to see you soon, fellow adventurer.
The Saturn Return Mountain is high and some of the terrain is tough-but you can reach the peak.

Text, call or email and we’ll get you on my schedule.
Meanwhile, keep your eye on the prize.

Following Your Heart

qtq80 xIyVzP 150x150 - Following Your HeartAs a kid, I believed that I could find my way to Peter Pan’s Neverland.

Every summer’s day, I leapt off of my bed in a fervent attempt to fly. Even when puberty hit and dashed that dream, I still longed for the exotic, the unexplored and the unknown.

I have found, at last, my Neverland. While I have yet to encounter pirates or the Lost Boys, new adventures call, a wild, untamed siren song that I cannot resist. My Neverland is a small town in the lush mountains of Central America-Boquete, Panama. Mars has inflamed my heart (the Moon), insisting that I trek into the unknown.

In astrology, the Moon represents your emotional needs and behaviors.

It also embodies the nesting instinct and the longing for home. If your home-the physical space you live in, your friends, your community, your location-wraps its arms around you in welcome, then you’re happy.

I’m fortunate enough to have lived in San Francisco for the majority of my life. It has been a torrid, passionate love affair, she and I. But we have decided to part ways. With renewed vigor, my beloved City is experiencing yet another gold rush: people are relocating here from all over the world. This gives San Francisco a new kick in her flirty step, and more sass in her attitude. But I’ve mellowed, longing for more tranquility. Less traffic. More smiles. A slower pace of life. I need room to fly.

On November 15, 2018, my fellow Sagittarius and beloved partner, Kathy Jacobson, leave for our Neverland.

Capricious Mercury has drawn into our lives synchronicities that have mapped our way there. We just signed a lease for a house. From our deck, we can gaze out at double rainbows, wildlife (armadillos, possums and chameleons, oh my!) and be serenaded by birdsong at all hours. I will also be gazing up at the night sky, unobscured by city lights.

I will still be doing readings and coaching via Skype and phone. I will also be coming back to San Francisco twice a year for one month each visit (late February and mid-September). But do set yourself up for a reading before then. We’ll look at your Moon and what pathways she is lighting up for you.

And wait! What’s that sound? The laughter of Peter Pan, a young boy who beckons you to follow him to parts unknown? Feel the magic. It’s real.

Reaching Your Peak in 2018: Saturn in Capricorn

qtq80 Lcw48M 150x150 - Reaching Your Peak in 2018: Saturn in CapricornYou’re sitting at the foot of a mountain. At your side, wiry and steady, Saturn the Timekeeper is neatly folding up the multi-hued garb of Sagittarius the Philosopher that he’s worn for 3 years. On 12/19/2017, he will be donning the commanding robes of Capricorn until 12/17/2020.

“I have 3 questions for you,” he says, in a voice like quiet thunder. “One: How have you proved yourself to yourself this year?” Two: What new beliefs can you can commit to and live by as a result?” Three: “Are you ready to climb this mountain?”

You look up, straining your vision. The mountain, defined by stark shadows and hungry light, is tattooed by the fall and rise of twisting paths. Dense clouds bodyguard its peak. Simultaneously, you’re struck by twin jolts of emotional lightning-excitement and fear.

Say “yes,” to the challenge of Saturn in Capricorn, and you earn self-respect, dignity and wisdom. Remain at the base of the mountain and emotional arthritis may well set in. You know which choice is right for you.

Standing, you strap on your backpack. It is sturdy and well equipped with determination, focus and faith. In parting, Saturn presses a small bottle into your hand. It is unbreakable and will never run dry. It is filled with the elixir of courage.

Now, your first step. Beneath your feet, the mountain trembles, a growl of welcome. There is no turning back. Nor would you want to.

Eagle-eyed Saturn squints into hazy sun as you ascend. He knows that you will succeed.

So do I.

In fierce joy and celebration,

Joyce

Prepare for this extraordinary journey and 2018 with an Evolutionary Astrology reading.
Gift certificates are also available online at https://joycevanhornsf.com/shop If you’d like to purchase a 30 minute reading for only $95 (holiday offer only), call/text me at 415-518-5818 and I’ll send you one through email, the USPS or you can stop by my office. They never expire.

Saturn in Capricorn: Proving Yourself to Yourself

qtq80 LhkF2N 150x150 - Saturn in Capricorn: Proving Yourself to YourselfYou’re sitting at the foot of a mountain. At your side, wiry and steady, sits Saturn the Timekeeper. He is neatly folding up the gypsy garb of Sagittarius the Philosopher, preparing to don Capricorn’s commanding robes on12/30/2017.

“I have 3 questions for you.” His voice is quiet thunder. “One: How have you proved yourself to yourself this year?” Two: What new beliefs can you can commit to and live by as a result?” Three: “Are you ready to climb this mountain?”

The mountain, defined by stark shadows and hungry light, is tattooed by the fall and rise of twisting paths. Dense clouds bodyguard its peak. Twin jolts of emotional lightning strike you simultaneously-excitement and fear.

Say “yes,” to the journey, and you earn self-respect, dignity and wisdom. Carry with you the tools of determination, focus and faith. Follow your heart’s unerring compass-it cannot fail you. If you choose to remain at the base of the mountain, emotional arthritis might set in.

Now it’s time. Standing, you strap on your backpack. It is sturdy and well equipped. In parting, Saturn presses a small bottle into your hand. It cannot be shattered, nor will it run dry. It is filled with the elixir of courage.

You take your first step. Beneath your feet, the mountain trembles, a growl of welcome. There is no turning back. Nor would you want to.

Eagle-eyed Saturn watches you ascend. He knows that you will succeed. As do I.

Prepare for this extraordinary experience, as well as the year ahead, with a reading. To celebrate you and those you love, 30-minute holiday gift certificates are available for purchase for just $95 at https://www.paypal.com/us/home to joyce@partnersinhealing.com (or you can call, email or text). You’ll receive a beautiful gift certificate through email or the USPS. They never expire and could change someone’s life for the better. This offer is only valid through 12/22/2017.

Authenticity

qtq80 u4Xsul 150x150 - AuthenticityThere comes a time in life when there is the option that we drop our image-that part of us that demonstrates to others just who we are, what we’re capable of, and what course we have chosen to take.

When I was 15, my dad told me, “you should learn to type in case you need to become a secretary.” At the time, I was an aspiring actress. I would have been better at it if I hadn’t been trying so hard, but his words undercut any kind of confidence that I had in my abilities.

At that point, at that tender point, I gave up. Some part of me understood that I could never be the actress that I’d imagined, that didn’t have the skill or talent that it took, that wasn’t even brave enough to leave San Francisco and move to LA or New York.

I was predestined to fail.

Why? Because, that way, both of my parents could measure themselves against me.

Because, that way, both of them, with failed dreams of their own, could “tut tut,” about mine, and how I had set my ideals too high. How what I desired was out of reach.

I bought their lies. I bought into their insecurities and embodied them.

No, I didn’t go to New York. Or even to L.A. I was preprogrammed to doubt myself enough to fail either, or both.

Still, to this day, I grapple with this. Still, to this day, I weigh my decisions, the ones that speak directly (and loudly) to my heart, for too long. Spontaneity was not approved of in my family (although, with my father, self-absorbed impulsivity was expected and allowed).

When in an altered state of consciousness under the guidance of people who work with sacred medicines, I envisioned myself trapped in a box. The box was comprised of the four members of my family (myself, my younger brother, my mother and my father). We were all merged, like some unhealthy stew brewed of resentment, insufficiency and clearly defined roles (I was not the Queen, although I awkwardly aspired to climb into the throne and wear the crown).

I was taught, through church and family, that I didn’t matter. That my ego was out of whack. That I needed to defer to others in order to gain any attention at all. I was a child at the breast that had too little milk.

Have I succeeded? Absolutely, yes. Have I succeeded in the way that either my father or mother would have defined as success? Absolutely, no. I have failed their dreams, their aspirations. I have not become wealthy. The world at large does not view me as special. I am not the rage.

But I am my own person. I am a warrior. I strive for compassion, I seek strength and courage. I seek to be authentically who I am.

And they would not approve.

Do I care?

Yeah, probably, to a degree. Why? Because , like so many, I just wanted to be loved. I wanted approval. I wanted acceptance. I wanted the Gates to open to me so that I could enter in and become part of something.

But that’s not how it works for me. Maybe it’s not how it works for you, either. Maybe there are those of us who question, who rebel, who individuate. Who disrupt and upset.

We make others think. We make others uncomfortable. We get underneath the emotional skin of people who can’t or won’t go there.

How else are minds and hearts to be opened? There are always those who need to question, to make waves, to do what isn’t socially acceptable. It might feel right to us rebels, but others question or turn away. That doesn’t matter. What matters is to be authentic, even if you’re not understood. If you understand yourself, then you’re good to go.

Here’s the bottom line: Be yourself. Don’t sell out. Let freedom guide you, let love steer your wagon. And start by loving yourself. No other. Because you are the One. You are wise. You are all-knowing. And that means not caring what others think if it feels right to you.

Make that commitment. Make it now. It will set you free.

The Venus and Mercury Retrograde Rag-Dancing in Sync

Venus Retrograde: How to Love and Let Live

Venus is the goddess of love-rosy, soft, beckoning-right?

Relationships: They’re all about the birds, bees and perfumed flowers-in Disney flicks.

When Venus is direct, she’s the Cosmic Prom Queen at her best. However, she’s been retracing hasty steps back through impulsive Aries since 3/4.

People (yes, you and me included) seem overly sensitive or just plain cranky. Irritation is as thick as spring pollen. Venus is naturally polite, but without her glow on she can tend towards laziness or indecision.

(Hint: give that friend who hasn’t firmed up plans yet a break-or go without him.)

Here’s your Venus retro mantra: Reengage. Reflect. Renegotiate.

Slow down. Prevent heart-to-heart combat with the balm of patience. Breathe.

The Relationship Road straightens out on 4/15, when Venus goes direct…and there are fewer emotional speedbumps.


Mercury Retrograde: Reaffirming its Value

Mercury retrograde can be a step backwards-in the right direction.

During Mercury retrograde, rethink, realign, revise and revitalize. Check everything twice. You’ll catch mistakes that you might have otherwise overlooked.

Resist the desire to buy that new home audio system during Mercury retro-it’s likely to give you subsequent problems if you do. Postpone signing contracts. Wait to launch your new website until it goes direct on 5/3 at 9:33 AM PDT. You’ll sidestep potential nasty glitches or delays.

The next Mercury retro is scheduled for 4/9-5/3 in two different signs.

From 4/9-4/21, Mercury saunters backwards through Taurus. Simplify, relax and review.

From 4/21-5/3, it bolts back into Aries. Sharp words or fast moves can blow a misunderstanding into grandstanding. Hang loose, think twice, reconsider what you’re going to do or say.

Mercury retrograde teaches the value of reassessing and revamping.


ASTROBITES: Coming Soon!

Want to know the climate of the day in just a sentence or two?

You’ll soon have a chance to sign up for Astrobites, which you’ll receive Monday-Friday. They’re short, succinct, sometimes sassy and always useful.

If you’d like to sign up early, just contact me and I’ll make sure that you’re on the List!

The Venus and Mercury Retro Rag

THE VENUS AND MERCURY RETROGRADE RAG
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The Venus Retrograde Rag: How to Love and Let Live

Venus is the goddess of love-rosy, soft, beckoning-right?

Relationships: They’re all about the birds, bees and perfumed flowers-in Disney flicks.

When Venus is direct, she’s the Cosmic Prom Queen at her best. However, she’s been retracing hasty steps back through impulsive Aries since 3/4.

People (yes, you and me included) seem overly sensitive or just plain cranky. Irritation is as thick as spring pollen. Venus is naturally polite, but without her glow n she can tend towards laziness or indecision.

(Hint: give that friend who hasn’t firmed up plans yet a break-or go without him.)

Here’s your Venus retro mantra: Reengage. Reflect. Renegotiate.

Slow down. Prevent heart-to-heart combat with the balm of patience. Breathe.

The Relationship Road straightens out on 4/15, when Venus goes direct…and there are fewer emotional speedbumps.


Mercury Retrograde Can Be a Step Backwards-in the Right Direction

During Mercury retrograde, rethink, realign, revise and revitalize. Check everything twice. You’ll catch mistakes that you might have otherwise overlooked.

Resist the desire to buy that new home audio system during Mercury retro-it’s likely to give you subsequent problems if you do. Postpone signing contracts. Wait to launch your new website until it goes direct on 5/3 at 9:33 AM PDT. You’ll sidestep potential nasty glitches or delays.

The next Mercury retro is scheduled for 4/9-5/3 in two different signs.

From 4/9-4/21, Mercury saunters backwards through Taurus. Simplify, relax and review.

From 4/21-5/3, it bolts back into Aries. Sharp words or fast moves can blow a misunderstanding into grandstanding. Hang loose, think twice, reconsider what you’re going to do or say.

Mercury retrograde teaches the value of reassessing and revamping.

S - The Venus and Mercury Retro Rag

7dd7d966 e918 4e99 907e daab0b1bb903 - The Venus and Mercury Retro Rag

ASTROBITES: Coming Soon!

Want to know the climate of the day in just a sentence or two?

You’ll soon have a chance to sign up for Astrobites, which you’ll receive Monday-Friday. They’re short, succinct, sometimes sassy and always useful.

Trump: Disillusionment & Deception-or Divine Intervention?

Neptune the illusionist…Neptune the inspirer. It is simultaneously smoke and mirrors and the high, holy possibility of something good this way comes. He casts his spell upon us now, summoning up that which we might not have anticipated.

I did not cast my vote for Trump. I drank and ate things I normally wouldn’t consume as I watched the election. My heart startled awake with disbelief and fear when I heard “President Elect Trump.”

However, this is a new beginning. Trump is one man. We are many. And, in our souls, in our true selves, we are love. Just that one simple word. Even Trump.

How can we possibly define someone as evil and someone as divine? It’s impossible. So now the road we didn’t expect to take is the one we are compelled to travel. I am putting on my hiking boots and packing the essentials: Faith, love, the expectancy of the best of each moment.

Each time a cat reaches his paw out to say, “I adore you,” I am awash in that. When I take in the glory of the day, the nature abounding, the friends I hold dear, the clients I am so blessed to see, the cosmos that guides me so unfailingly…I am inspired to even greater compassion, to remember that I am blessed with a sense of humor and a gift for speaking the truth as I see it.

Which way do you wish to turn? You can’t go back. So take my hand, and then the next person’s hand, and let’s dance. Feel the blood pumping through your veins, the pulse of aliveness. This isn’t a war to be won. It’s a time to cultivate inner peace and appreciation.

Neptune whispers, “Dream. Imagine. Inspire. Let go.” I let my eyes blur and watch the landscape soften. And I sense, I know, that it’s all okay. That what seems like a dirty trick that pulled the rug out from under my feet is actually a harbinger of positive change and healing.

Thank you, Neptune, for gifting us with this time of weird magic. Thank you, Neptune, for helping me see through the eyes of my heart. Thank you, humanity, for the embrace I feel from each human being who is hurting, confused or angered.

We’re all together now, even if it feels as if we’re not. One final word from Neptune: “Yield. Just be. Breathe.” And that’s when the healing begins.

Disillusionment or Inspiration?
Disillusionment or Inspiration?

Evolutionary Astrologer

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