Tag Archives: authenticity


qtq80 u4Xsul 150x150 - AuthenticityThere comes a time in life when there is the option that we drop our image-that part of us that demonstrates to others just who we are, what we’re capable of, and what course we have chosen to take.

When I was 15, my dad told me, “you should learn to type in case you need to become a secretary.” At the time, I was an aspiring actress. I would have been better at it if I hadn’t been trying so hard, but his words undercut any kind of confidence that I had in my abilities.

At that point, at that tender point, I gave up. Some part of me understood that I could never be the actress that I’d imagined, that didn’t have the skill or talent that it took, that wasn’t even brave enough to leave San Francisco and move to LA or New York.

I was predestined to fail.

Why? Because, that way, both of my parents could measure themselves against me.

Because, that way, both of them, with failed dreams of their own, could “tut tut,” about mine, and how I had set my ideals too high. How what I desired was out of reach.

I bought their lies. I bought into their insecurities and embodied them.

No, I didn’t go to New York. Or even to L.A. I was preprogrammed to doubt myself enough to fail either, or both.

Still, to this day, I grapple with this. Still, to this day, I weigh my decisions, the ones that speak directly (and loudly) to my heart, for too long. Spontaneity was not approved of in my family (although, with my father, self-absorbed impulsivity was expected and allowed).

When in an altered state of consciousness under the guidance of people who work with sacred medicines, I envisioned myself trapped in a box. The box was comprised of the four members of my family (myself, my younger brother, my mother and my father). We were all merged, like some unhealthy stew brewed of resentment, insufficiency and clearly defined roles (I was not the Queen, although I awkwardly aspired to climb into the throne and wear the crown).

I was taught, through church and family, that I didn’t matter. That my ego was out of whack. That I needed to defer to others in order to gain any attention at all. I was a child at the breast that had too little milk.

Have I succeeded? Absolutely, yes. Have I succeeded in the way that either my father or mother would have defined as success? Absolutely, no. I have failed their dreams, their aspirations. I have not become wealthy. The world at large does not view me as special. I am not the rage.

But I am my own person. I am a warrior. I strive for compassion, I seek strength and courage. I seek to be authentically who I am.

And they would not approve.

Do I care?

Yeah, probably, to a degree. Why? Because , like so many, I just wanted to be loved. I wanted approval. I wanted acceptance. I wanted the Gates to open to me so that I could enter in and become part of something.

But that’s not how it works for me. Maybe it’s not how it works for you, either. Maybe there are those of us who question, who rebel, who individuate. Who disrupt and upset.

We make others think. We make others uncomfortable. We get underneath the emotional skin of people who can’t or won’t go there.

How else are minds and hearts to be opened? There are always those who need to question, to make waves, to do what isn’t socially acceptable. It might feel right to us rebels, but others question or turn away. That doesn’t matter. What matters is to be authentic, even if you’re not understood. If you understand yourself, then you’re good to go.

Here’s the bottom line: Be yourself. Don’t sell out. Let freedom guide you, let love steer your wagon. And start by loving yourself. No other. Because you are the One. You are wise. You are all-knowing. And that means not caring what others think if it feels right to you.

Make that commitment. Make it now. It will set you free.

The Language of Love: Saturn in Sagittarius

I visited Paris fresh out of high school, smitten by her unapologetic passion and confidence. All I could offer her was my clumsily accented French and youthful naivete. Her perfume lingers still, a faintly remembered pleasure.

How about if we just focus on the best outcome possible concerning what has recently gone down in Paris? What if we orient ourselves towards peace, love, understanding? I believe it to be possible. I believe that we can all join hearts, look at one another and accept that we are human and stand as one. Perhaps we can stop attacking one another, whether through physical violence or judgment. Perhaps we can come together in our mutual woundedness and reach a compromise. What if we are not enemies to one another, but rather brothers and sisters (and who has ever had a sibling with whom they didn’t argue?).

Maybe it’s just about a really good conversation-a peaceful one-where everyone gets to say what’s on their mind. I don’t condone the attacks, but I sense that there is a deeper reason-disconnect. If we disconnect from one another, we disconnect from that which our souls know to be true-from that which might be called god/dess. Let’s get together and discuss rather than debate. It’s all about love. All about love. There is nothing, nothing, nothing more than love, or more powerful or more healing. It is the life blood coursing through our veins, through the consciousness of our planet. I believe that there is a great teaching in this event that can lead us to higher ground-that which is more sacred and authentic.

In wild celebration of that which is possible,


Get into the car and drive on the wild side!

It’s time to shift gears from 2nd to 5th. If you’ve been moving through life at 140 Horsepower, upgrade to 510 HP. The pedal’s to the metal as you swerve into the fast lane-and you’re jonesin’ for still more speed. Passions run high and hot, tempers short and quick. You don’t want to behave. Patience is just a concept. Recklessness courses through your veins.

Take charge of your life–do it your way. Veer off onto the road less taken. Honor the fierce desire for independence. Refuse to cater to rules that choke off your authenticity. And hey! Keep in mind that you’re not the only one accelerating. This urgent itch is under everyone else’s skin. As you hit the road, keep this quote in mind: “People don’t do things to you. They do things for themselves.” (Author Unknown)

During May and June, hot, insistent astrological winds strike, fierce and adamant harbingers of change. Turn into them and you’ll be standing eye-to-eye with your inner warrior. This will inspire right action.  Cower under their force, and you’ll be stalked by meaningless conflict and confrontation.

On 5/27/10, insurgent Uranus hurtles into “me first” daredevil Aries. Judicious Jupiter treks into the same sign on 6/6/10, expanding the need for autonomy and passionate individuation. As Eleanor Roosevelt once declared, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

Don’t look for approval. You don’t need it. Pioneer new wild, wooly and downright magical frontiers. Liberate, individuate, live your passions. Feeling your heart race? That’s how alive you are. Now buckle up and head on out!

With zest and zeal,